Leaving

I already know that leaving is going to be a rather bittersweet moment. I just planned my last night home for three months with my boyfriend, a simply dinner and movie at my house. I said I couldn't wait to kiss him, and he said " I don't want to, it means you're leaving" and thats when I realized the next time I see him si the last time I get to hold his hand and cuddle with him and just be with him for three months. Three months is going to be my longest amount away from home ever, which will be a great adjustment, but I'm sure a good one. I told him I will write and call as much as possible, and by writing I do not mean a simple email, but that great thing we now call snail mail.

This summer is goign to be amazing, and it is getting so much closer.In just 5 days I will be meeting some people that I am already positive are going to be an awesome addition to my friends. I have talked to them online and they seem so much like me, and so fun loving and dorky. I am so excited to work with them and the kids. I am worried though that the kids are going to be that of the spoiled bunch, looking at the cost of a 2 week stay for these children.

I am excited, nervous, panicky and giddy; all at once. I am smiling one minute and after talking to my boyfriend I have tears going down my cheeks, the thought of not being with him for three months is worrying me, but we both say it will be okay and that it will be an amazing summer. I know it will be, it just has to be. I will be sad sometimes, and the rest will be filled with amazing moments with amazing people.

Please pray for me as I get ready to leave.
Pray for safe travels.
Pray for a safe state of mind.
Pray that I will be able to go without the daily structure that I have built, that I can go without my family, boyfriend, church family and just the life I have come to love so much. I will miss everybody more than one could ever imagine and will never stop thinking of you all!

<3 Linda

5 Days Until I leave.... 4 really at this time!!

change

Change is something that means a lot to me.
For one it is the book that I have written about my life over the last year and a half.
And for another it is something that we all have to deal with.
Might write more on this later.. probably will actually, but for now I will go play with my doggy who I won't see all summer!

typo schmypo=0

I've been working on my book a whole lot lately. I keep rewriting it over and over again. I want this one to be the final rewrite. And I also want to finish it before I head off to camp. It's so amazing to believe that in just 19 days I will be on a train going to go meet all of these new people that I know are going to change my life. We all seem to have a little nervousness going on, as we make lists of what to pack and try to ensure that we will have everything, we compare and contrast our lists and make adjustments accordingly. I know myself well enough that I will overpack, it is simply something that I always do, even if I make a list I will manage to bring more than needed; it's a good thing I am allowed 150lbs worth of checked baggage on the train...haha.

There are so many people that I am going to miss while I am gone, like my boyfriend, my friends, my parents, and ofcourse my monsters AKA pets=) I need to enjoy the next 19 days with them and get every little minute spent with the people I love so much and have no idea where I would be if I didn't have them in my life.

A letter to my Mom...I plan on reading it/ a version of it Sunday @church.

You've taught me what it is like to have a mom.
You have CHOSEN to be there for me, when I thought nobody would want to.
You have helped me so much over the last year especially, you have helped me realize the possibilities I have and you have helped me reach my dreams. I never looked forward to Mother's Day, it had always been so hard, but because of you I can truly say that I was excited for Mothers Day. On Wednesday I was smiling and telling everybody how excited I was that mommy was going to be here tonight. I was a little kid smiling and talking so great about my mom. You've become a hero to me, and there is not enough words in existence to explain my feelings towards you fully. I simply do not know what I would do without you, what we all would do without you. You keep Dad and me smiling all the time, joking and laughing and having that feeling of being a regular family. I struggle with a lot and you haven't given up on me. I always thought that I wasn't worth it, but I have you, who doesn't have to be there, but you are, every day, no matter how much I mess up, and that is mind blowing!

I Love you, no matter how sarcastic I am, no matter how much attitude I give, no matter how much it may seem I am tuning you out, no matter what I know you'll be there, but don't forget to hold me up on my end of the bargain! I promise to be there for you, though I could never make up for how much you've been here for me.

I sometimes catch myself at home because I get close to calling you Mom.When I talk to my friends you are known as my mom. I used to struggle with this day, but now that I've got you its absolutely amazing.

I love you with all my heart Laurie and I know that will never change.

<3 Always, Linda

Surprised

The church I go to is doing a Mothers Day Dinner. I doubted that I would be able to go seeing that I would either have to work, or the fact that my "mom" is not one who attends church, and so I figured that if I were to ask that she would say no.

-I put MOM in quotation marks because when I refer to my mom I mean the person that has been there for me since my dad started dating her. She has been so caring and loving to me and that means a ridiculous amount to me. My biological mom is somebody who is not in my life and probably won't ever be.

This is the first time that I am actually looking forward to Mothers Day. I never thought that I would be able to have a positive attitude this week since I never seem to be able to. Mothers Day is usually my reminder that my biological mom isn't there, and that just kills me. I struggle with the fact that she isn't there,but I've also figured out that my "mom" is somebody who has chosen to be in my life and to be there for me. She has helped me with the hardest parts of my life and was there for me when iw as in the hospital and helped me get back to a good mental state.

I need to remember that God wants me to surpass the negative and embrace the positive. I will struggle with things, but in the end its all totally worth it. Now I have a Mom who cares for me even though she doesn't have to! =]