I have always been one to struggle with my weight.
I was a normal sized child up until about 5th grade.
That was when I started eating more, started going out on secret lunches more often with my Dad. And what can I say? Food tasted good.
It got worse in 7th grade, I gained ALOT of weight in middle school. I was bullied and I tried to eat away the pain. And I ate when I was bored. I ate too much. All of which created the person I am today. The person who struggles with that battle. I still love food, and that is something that I'm sure will stay the same.
I lost a good amount of weight in the first two months of this year. But as I spent more times with friends and more time going out to eat with them the weight came back and my hard work was ruined by my own bad decisions. I am done making bad decisions! I want to be a better and healthier me. I am tired of feeling the way in which I have for many years. I want to be average, I want to be able to look in the mirror and feel fit and beautiful.
I know it's hard work, but this time I'm not going to be eating out once I get something accomplished. I don't want to be this way forever, it has already been too long. I want to make better decisions when it comes to my health. I know there is a major difference between saying and doing, but today I have made a set of guidelines for myself. And pop has been cut out of my life in the process.
I want to finish my first semester of college looking the best I have in my life, I want to go back to being the average weight, because I know that will help bring up my confidence. And luckily I'm going to be off of the medication that has helped me gain some of the weight that I have gained.
I'm excited yet scared for the work ahead of me. I know it's going to suck at times, but in the end it'll be so worth it.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
one of THOSE days
I think today was one of those days that just wasn't meant to go well.
Work was crazier and more draining than usual as it was only me with 18 kids practically the entire time and the 18 kids took every single opportunity to complain and not listen. All the other groups had the same amount of kids and 3-4 counselors atleast with them. It was hard and after five hours in the sun all I wanted was to sleep.
I have also come to realize that the school I plan to attend in the Fall may not be possible due to the lack of finances. I'd rather not continue community college but it seems to be my only choice.
And my plans for my day off have changed as my friend cancelled on me. It hurts. I hate to be canccelled on as it reminds me of dating Gianni and how that was a constant thing.
My brain hurts today. It hurts to think of how everything I hoped for in just 5 weeks may not happen.
Finances suck but even if the cosigner were to work out maybe this obstacle was created for me to think it fully though. I can get mroe classes at a cheaper rate out of the way, but idk. I've hoped to move out for so long.
Work was crazier and more draining than usual as it was only me with 18 kids practically the entire time and the 18 kids took every single opportunity to complain and not listen. All the other groups had the same amount of kids and 3-4 counselors atleast with them. It was hard and after five hours in the sun all I wanted was to sleep.
I have also come to realize that the school I plan to attend in the Fall may not be possible due to the lack of finances. I'd rather not continue community college but it seems to be my only choice.
And my plans for my day off have changed as my friend cancelled on me. It hurts. I hate to be canccelled on as it reminds me of dating Gianni and how that was a constant thing.
My brain hurts today. It hurts to think of how everything I hoped for in just 5 weeks may not happen.
Finances suck but even if the cosigner were to work out maybe this obstacle was created for me to think it fully though. I can get mroe classes at a cheaper rate out of the way, but idk. I've hoped to move out for so long.
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